Dos Stonehenge

Hill country roads, antique stores and replicas

Welcome to Summer Lightning.

Read my post about garlic and Los Angeles here

Why are stories involving fish always tragic? read here

The winding roads of the Texas hill country habitually fool people into thinking they are not in Texas anymore. You speed past pale limestone hills and livestock at 70mph while embalmed in air conditioning. The road hypnotizes you into feeling like you are in Northern Italy - even if you have never been there. But it's the middle of May. There is a heat dome enveloping the atmosphere. The fantasies you had in your car wither away when you open the door. You look for shade, but all the vegetation looks shrunken and shriveled. Even the trees. Selfish bastards. There is a stillness in the air that is occasionally interrupted by the sound of some migratory bird that is doomed to repeat the same tragic arc over and over again. 

I'm not that different from those birds. I've been to the hill country before, but I keep going back expecting a different outcome. 

My girlfriend and I went to an antique store this time around. The boomer woman at the entrance explained to my girlfriend where all the jewelry and home decor is, then she turned to me and asked, "Are you looking for any guy stuff?" Before I could respond, she added, "There is some World War Two stuff back there if you would like." I nodded. Sure. I will look at World War II stuff. Generations of Americans grow up with dreams of liberation and riches but eventually become guys who stare at World War Two stuff. I'm not that different from them. 

I waddle through the thickness of the antique store, aiming for the World War II stuff. I get a sense that things are getting weirder and weirder the deeper I go into the store. Something feels off, but I can't quite put a finger on it. I look around and see it - the World War Two stuff - a well-preserved swastika encased in a frame. It says $235. I guess there is a market for accurately pricing these things. There is a bunch of other German propaganda magazines with nazis on the cover- their faces as pale as the limestone hills I passed and jaws chiseled like a head on Easter Island. I don't know why the woman sent me that way. She must have thought, "Nothing unites us like hate." Or maybe it was my mustache, but that cannot be - I have been cropping it to align with the edge of my lips and not with the edges of my nose. 

You may be thinking that the hill country is full of racist white people, but I have an anecdote that says otherwise. We went to a Thai restaurant that evening. Why Thai in the middle of Hill country? I don't know, but there was an Asian man there to assure us that it was authentic. At some point in the middle of our meal, an Asian woman walked in and greeted the man. They seemed to know each other. As she walked up the stairs, the Asian man exclaimed loudly to an old white patron sitting at the bar, "Doesn't she look Chinese?." Everyone stopped eating and looked at each other. The woman laughed nervously and disappeared upstairs. We continued our meal. 

There is also a Stonehenge in the Hill Country. I am not making any of this stuff up. Actually, there are two Stonehenges in Texas. The first one is located in the Permian basin out in West Texas. Built by the University of Texas, it is a self-serious project that is described as a "teaching tool" on the website. The other Stonehenge, the one that I went to with my girlfriend, is in Ingram, Texas. It was built by Al Shepherd and his friend Doug. You see, Al had a bunch of stone left over on his property from construction he had done. So he and Doug thought it would be funny to recreate the Stonehenge. They built it on Al's property in Hunt, Texas, but it was relocated to Ingram. It is now part of an arts foundation. If you look at their website, you can see that they are trying to reform its history to make it sound more like an art project, like it's a piece of Donald Judd furniture or something. There is no whimsy or silliness in their descriptors, but the original board that was put up at Stonehenge, officially labeled Stonehenge II, is endearing. Oh, and Al also erected a replica of an Easter Island head. Or maybe it was supposed to be Nazi. It's hard to tell around here these days. It's probably just the heat.