Thinking About Leaving

Book release

Two years ago, I started having dreams about the neighborhood I grew up in. In my dreams, I saw rows of houses of different builds and sizes, punctuated at the end (like a long em dash) by an abandoned paddy field. At the end of the field was a gate. This was the perimeter of my childhood. But, as the dream went on, I always ended up at the plant nursery just outside the gate. I don't know why. I never spent much time inside there growing up. All my childhood friends were gone in the dream and replaced by friends and people I know from my time in the United States. We were in the nursery, among the plants, talking and sometimes listening to lectures on architecture. This dream recurred a few times – its meaning seemed far too obvious and sad to analyze. 

The other day, I had the dream again. I was walking through my old neighborhood and saw someone I recognized - to my surprise, it was not someone from my American life. It was the girl I dated in high school. We made eye contact. I looked around and saw several of my high school friends around. From this I gathered one conclusion and one conclusion alone - I was dead. For a brief moment, I was happy, and then I thought about Camille. I felt unbearably sad thinking about what she might be feeling now. So, I approached one of my old pals and said, "I think I should leave now."

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I published a collection of my essays titled Thinking About Leaving. They are short stories that go back and forth between my life in India and the United States. It was edited by Jenna Dixon, and Serena Kao did the beautiful cover. You can buy it here on Kindle or paperback. Thanks to Venkatesh Rao and Drew Austin for their words on the book.